The future
by stendanandmcdeanforever
Summary: This is set four years after Johnpaul and Craigs sunset ending. Johnpaul thinks Craig has blown him of for his mates, that is until he receives a phone call from the hospital, telling him that Craig has been in a horrific car accident, will it be a happy ending? Mentions of Brendan Brady and Steven Hay.
1. Intro and Chapter One

_**I'm not really sure where this is heading, I am literally writing it as it comes to me. Let me know what you think.**_

**Intro…**

He is racing through the airport, running as fast as his legs would carry him, his eyes frantically searching the place. For him. He stops to look at the timetable, to see what station he has to be at to get the train to the actual airport. He spots it, and runs the way the sign points him, he has to make it, pushing everyone out of his way running at full speak up the stairs. He spots the station and the stairs leading down to it, he runs so fast down them he thinks he is going to trip over his own feet, but as he reached the station the train departed, and left him standing there, alone. His heart felt like it had shattered into a thousand pieces. He chucks his bag to the floor and just looks around, desperately looking for his second chance, hoping somehow there had been a mistake. He glanced over to the opposite station. There was a couple, kissing, well more eating each other's faces, but still they were together and seemed happy. There was a woman with a pushchair, smiling looking down at her child, these people were happy, they had what they wanted. Then he noticed tall, tanned figure standing alone looking at a leaflet. He had a backpack and hodel on the floor, and as he looked at him, he looked up, and they stared intensely into each other's eyes. He had got the wrong station. There he was the most beautiful man known to the human race, Craig Dean, and he was waiting for the train, and me. The look on Craig's face was a picture; he looked genuinely surprised to see Johnpaul, like he really did believe that he would let him just slip through his fingers, when they finally had a chance. Johnpaul grabbed his bag from the floor, and ran back up the stairs and down a different set, he wouldn't stop running until he reached Craig and when he did, Craig reached out to hug him, which Johnpaul returned briefly before pushing him away and he spoke.

"Look just wait, wait, wait..."

"I waited for…-"

"Look Craig just shut up and let me speak, ok? You can't just walk back into my life and hand me this"

He held up a ticket.

"I was finally over you, and now you have ruined everything!"

Craig looked confused, and he didn't know what to say so he just said, "uh… um… I'm sorry"

"Now all I can think is what if you hadn't walked into class that day? Cause ever since then it has been a disaster! I mean, yeah ok I probably wouldn't still be with Hannah, what with he being a girl and everythin'… Craig you have no idea how much you have hurt me. So I just wanted to say to you, before you walked out of my life forever" He gestured towards the train tracks, "that I wouldn't have missed any of it for the world"

Craig started to stutter "Wh-Wha-What?"

Johnpaul let out a small laugh and said "I don't know how we keep finding ourselves here I really don't, but the one thing that I do know, the one thing that am sure of, is that I love you. I really love yo-"Before Johnpaul could even finish declaring his love for the man standing before him, Craig had his face in his hands and was giving him the most passionate of kisses he could give. He didn't want to let go, he wished the world would just stop around them and they could stay in this moment forever. As they pulled away from each other, Johnpaul had a big cheesy grin on his face

"Good, well I… um glad we got that out-of-the-way"

"Yeah" Craig and Johnpaul looked each other, awkwardly, and Craig said uncertainly "You are coming with me to Dublin right? Your-"

"Yes, yes, if you still want me to"

"Even if we do this, there is no guarantee it is going to work."

"I know, we could, we could mess everything up"

"Screw it up"

"Yeh"

"I love you Johnpaul McQueen"

"Why wouldn't ya?" Johnpaul asked, with a cute little smile on his face.

Together they took each other's hand and stepped onto the train that would lead them to their future. As they both sit down, Craig looks at Johnpaul and says, "Oh and by the way when we get to Dublin, if anyone asks you're my brother Steve, everyone thinks I'm straight."

As Craig spoke those words, he felt like he was walking straight back into his old life, like he was going to be some dirty secret all over again, he didn't know if he would be able to take it again. How could Craig do this to him after everything they had been through together, but instead of Johnpaul mouthing all of this to Craig all he says is "what?!"

That's when Craig's face cracked and smiled at him, his perfect white teeth brightly shining, "I'm only messing''.

Johnpaul reaches up and gives Craig a little peck on the neck. This is when he realises this is it, this is his future now. He is going somewhere nobody knows him, and what he has been through, or what his family are like. He can be himself and if others didn't like it then tough. He no longer had to hide away from others; he and Craig can walk around and be together, without the pressure of people back in the village. This is going to be amazing, he could sense it.

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**Chapter One.**

**Four Years Later. **

**Johnpaul's POV.**

I am sitting on the sofa, the room is dark, curtains are shut and the only sign of light was the flicker of the candles on the table, were cold dinner lay and an unopened bottle of cheap wine. I had made a romantic dinner for two, me and Craig obviously, but he never turned up, I rang his mobile many times, but no answer. He was probably out with some of his mates he met at uni, I wouldn't have been so bothered if it was a surprise, obviously he would have never know it was happening but the problem is, we agreed to spend the night in together alone, he had blown me off once or twice before but I usually got a text letting me know what was going on, and why he was letting me down. This just wasn't Craig. I try ringing his mobile again, but it goes straight to voice mail

"Hello, this is Craig, I am either ignoring you because I don't want to speak to you, or I can't get take your call, either way leave a message and I will get back to you, if I can be bothered."

No, still no answer. I was becoming to get a little worried, I was considering one of his mates, ask if they had seen him, but then what if he was with them, would I look like the nagging boyfriend, he was supposed to be here an hour and a half ago. Should I be worrying or is being held up and can't get to his phone? That would be it, he is being held up at Uni I bet. I stand up, open the curtains and turn the light on, I blow out the candles and start to clear the table, as I was wrapping the plates of food so they could be eaten later, my phone rang, I ran into the living room grabbed it and I didn't even bother to look at the caller I.D, as soon as I answered I said " Craig, where are you? You was supposed to be here two hours ago!"

"Hello, is this Mr. Johnpaul McQueen speaking?"

"Um, yeah, who is this?"

"Hello, this is The Royal City of Dublin hospital, we are lead to believe that you are Mr. Craig Dean's parter?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for reading the first chapter, hope you enjoy this one. **

**Chapter two.**

All I heard was the words hospital and Mr. Craig Dean, and surly those two words in the same sentence wasn't something I was going to want to hear.

"Hello? Mr McQueen?"

"Oh…um…yeah that's me." I replied in a flat tone.

"Mr. Dean has been in an accident, it seems as though the one reponseable for the crash has fled, but he has left Mr. Dean in a bad way, he is not looking good, he was found around an two hours ago, but he has only just been cut out of the ruins of the car, he is on his way here now in the helicopter, when he arrives we will take immediate action, and do everything we can to help him. In the mean time, maybe you would like to come over to be with him? I would also perhaps ring his family and friends to inform them of the situation, and maybe they would like to come over, in case the worse is expected. I am so sorry."

"The worst? You mean he might not make it?" I thought the whole world had come crashing down upon me, he can't die, he has to pull through, he will be fine, this will all be procedure, I bet they say this to everyone, but Craig isn't going anywere he will be fine, he always is.

The second I came of the phone to the hospital, I was straight back on it ringing for a taxi. As I waited for it to arrive a packed a few essentials, some clean clothes for Craig, toothbrushes, that sort of thing. Then I went to wait outside to wait. The second it arrived, I dived in and practically shouted at the driver.

"Royal City of Dublin Hospital, NOW!"

"um, yeah sure thing mate" replied the taxi driver, he looked at little concerned, but what did I care? My mind was on more important things, Craig.

I thought I best ring Frankie and let her know what had happened, so whilst sitting in the taxi I took out my phone, I found her number and my finger hesitated before pressing call. When I heard the calling tone, I had a sudden thought what am I going to say to Frankie? How do I say to her that her son is in hospital and I have been told to ring family in case of the worst? It's a mothers worst nightmare!

She answered, "Hello Johnpaul, how are you? Everything going ok with you and Craig?" She had never really accepted the fact that her youngest son was gay, that may be the reason why she sounded like she wanted to doubt our relationship.

"Hello, I, um, I don't know how to say this…"

"Oh come on Johnpaul you have never been short on words, just spit it out already, I am actually in the middle of cooking me and Jack dinner"

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**Frankie's POV.**

What was taking him so long to answer? Was he about to ask for his blessing for marriage or something pathetic like that, because if he was he was wasting his time.

"Johnpaul, you still there? Look I haven't got time for this, will you just spit it out!"

"Yeah, um sorry. Its Craig…"

Oh no, what has happened? Johnpaul could barley string to words together, and it was something to do with Craig, my mind suddenly filled with lots of different senarios. Was he ok? Has he done something stupid to upset Johnpaul, that was another thing, it must be something serious otherwise Johnpaul would have never came to me.

"Its Craig, he has been in a car crash, and its not looking good. The hospital rang about half hour ago, im on my way there now, but I was told to ring family" There was a long silence in which I tried to get my head round the fact that my little baby boy was in hospital, and they only say to ring family if there is doubt on his life. How could this be happening, first Steph and now Craig, he can't leave me, he may be in Dublin, I may not see him very often, but I knew he was safe, alive and breathing.

"Frankie?"

I was bought back to earth with the sound of Johnpaul's voice in my ear, he sounded distant, as if he was speaking to me but his mind was elsewhere.

"Johnpaul."

"Frankie, he will be ok, won't he?"

Before I even had a chance to hear, I could hear Johnpaul sobbing down the phone.

"I love him Frankie, he is my life, I know you don't understand our relationship, but I love him, I have never in my life felt like this for someone else. He completes me, when im with him nothing else matters, when im with him I feel safe, I feel like no one can hurt me because I have him. And, I don't think I will be able to go on without him, he can't leave me, he can't leave us."

I didn't know what to say, I knew Johnpaul loved my son, but I never knew he felt like that. He made Craig sound like he was some knight in shining armour, he made him sound perfect, and to me and Johnpaul he was.

"He will be fine Johnpaul, he always is. I am going to come over, I will pack a few things and I will be on my way, I promise. Just make sure you look after him."

With that I put down the phone.


	3. Chapter 3

**So i am becoming a little excited whilst writing this, i still don't know how to finish it, happy ending? or a tragic end for McDean? I don't know, so please read and review! **

**This is a bit of a short chapter, as i wanted to save the next bit for a chapter on its own, if that makes sense ha!**

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**Chapter 3.**

**Johnpaul's POV.**

Since the phone call from the hospital, everything seemed a blur, I didn't really know what I was doing. When I arrived at the hospital I remember climbing out of the taxi, slowly. I think I was still trying to get around the fact that Craig, my Craig was lying in there somewhere In there most likely in pain, and I remember when that feeling thought hit me, I ran, I ran so fast that I didn't think I would be able to stop. I reached the reception, where I was forced to stop, as I had no clue were Craig would be in this huge place.

"Craig, Craig Dean? He is here? Is he ok? Where is he?"

"Craig Dean? Ah yes, he is on floor 4, Ward 6, he is in a room on his own, this is room number, 16, if you follow this hall here it will take you straight to the elevators, then obviously you can carry on to where you are heading."

"Thanks."

With that I walked off, well actually I started to run again, as I reached the elevators I jabbed the button to bring the elevator back down, it was on floor 3. I kept jabbing, willing for it to hurry up, but it just seemed like everything was going so slow. When it finally came to a halt, I had to wait for everyone in it to exit. As I entered the lift, I pressed the 'Close Doors' button, then floor four and I was off. I was in the lift alone, I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing, when I was alone, like in the taxi it made me think of the accident, and how scared Craig must have been, but when I was with people they just annoyed me, like seeing people laughing. How can they laugh when the most precious man is lying in this hospital, the most perfect person to have ever been bought onto this planet?

As I reached the forth floor, I was asking everyone were room 16 was, as someone pointed me in the right direction, I didn't even bother saying thanks, I just ran full pelt down the corrider, until I was outside his room. I placed my hand onto the door handle, and hesitated as I tried to prepare myself for what I was about to see. I took a big deep breath and closed my eyes, I slowly pushed down the door handle and stepped into the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**So i wanted to upload this sooner, but i got addicted to twitter and tumblr, and then when i finally started writing it, i had almost finished and BOOM there was a power cut. So i turned the laptop back on, and it saved automatically, so i went to upload it and BOOM there was another power cut. So i am attempting to do it now haha! **

**Thanks again to anyone who is reading and following this. PLEASE i am like begging you here, please review it:D**

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**Chapter four.**

**Johnpauls POV.**

Nothing in the world could have prepared me for what I saw. Covered in wires and tubes, he had a bare chest, bruises had already started to develop over it, he looked damaged. The only way to tell he was actually alive was the beeping of the machines telling me he is still there, even though its only thanks to them. He had a deep cut, from his ear to his nose, it had been stitched up, it was going to be there permanently. I made my way across the room, I just couldn't take my eyes of him, he looked so vulnerable, yet he looked peaceful, like he was sleeping. Not that Craig slept like that, he lay sprawled across the bed, hogging pretty much all the covers so in the end they had a blanket as once he took the covers there was no getting them back. I let out a little laugh at the thought of this, but it lasted seconds, then I was back to reality.

I was so scared; I didn't know what to do, so I took his hand and bought it up to my lips, where I placed a gentle kiss. I just sat there for what felt like hours, I wonder how long I had been sat here for so I looked up at the clock, it was o'clock I had been sat here for five hours, just staring at Craig and I didn't even realise. Just as I turned back to look at him the door opened. It was the doctor.

"Doc, how is he? Is he going to be ok?"

"Hello, he is doing ok, but the drugs are starting to wear off, meaning he could awake soon, he will be in slight pain but nothing major, when he awakes you will need to let us know, we can then ask him a few questions, to check his brain is ok."

"His br-brain?"

"Yes, I assumed you had been informed? He had x-rays when he first arrived, to check for any broken bones, and any damage to the brain, he has a cracked rib, and a broken leg, he has bad bruising on his arm as well, but that is all being dealt with. As for his brain, the scans show that he has bad swelling on, and its pressuring the brain, we are going to have to proceed an operation, but that can continue until we have spoken to Mr Dean, so we are aware of the full matter."

"But he is going to be ok?"

"I'm afraid I cannot answer that. When Mr Dean awakes, he could suffer amnesia, it could be permanent, or temporary, he could also just not remember things that have happened in the past 5 years, or it could be he can't remember the past 2 months, we are just not sure yet. Worst case scenario, brain damage. Also if the swelling causes too much pressure onto the brain, and the operation is unsuccessful, then you should prepare for the, well, death. I am honestly so sorry."

With that the doctor walked out of the room, leaving me and Craig alone again, and with Craig being out cold, I only had my thoughts for company. Amnesia? But what if he couldn't remember me? What if he wakes up and wonders who the hell it is sitting next to him holding his hand? As for brain damage, but I knew Craig, he would be fine. I couldn't bring myself to think of the last thing the doctor said. I couldn't, I refused to, I couldn't lose Craig, not after the amount of effort we put in to get to where we are now. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I slipped it out, still refusing to let go of Craig's hand, it was Jack,

'_Frankie boarded the plane around an hour ago, she should land in about an hour, she should be at the hospital in around 3 hours max. Let me know how everything is, I hope you are ok. Craig will be fine. He is a tough lad, he will pull through, I know it. Jack x'_

I felt a tear slip from my eye, I had tried so hard to hold them back, but now the first one escaped I just couldn't hold them in, so I just let go. I had cried so much that I felt I had no more tears left to cry.

"Craig, please don't leave me. I love you"

Craig started to stir.

"Craig? Craig? Are you ok? Craig? Open your eyes, please!"

I went running to the door, yanked it open and shouted to anyone who would listen.

"HE IS AWAKE! HE IS WAKING UP!"

I ran back to his bedside, and took hold oh his hand.

"J-John-Johnpaul is that you?"

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**I am hoping to write and upload another chapter tonight, if there is not another power cut. HA. Thanks, and please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok, so this chapter is abit longer. Hope you enjoy. **

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**Chapter five.**

**Craigs POV.**

I tried to move my arm, but it hurt to much to move. Next I tried to open my eyes, but they was so heavy, I struggled, but I wouldn't give up. I would open my eyes. I could hear a faint voice, it was saying something about not leaving them. It sounded like a man. Who was it? Then as if someone had flicked a light on inside my head, it all came flooding back to me. The crash, everything. This man who was talking to me was not just any man it was Johnpaul and he sounded scared. He was telling me to open my eyes, and with ounce of strength I could muster I opened them, and said

"J-John-Johnpaul is that you?"

"Yeah, its me. How are you feeling?"

"Alright I guess, just a bit ache a bit." I couldn't bring myself to tell him that in actual fact it wasn't just an ache, it was killing the pain, I tried to look down, but it was difficult to move my head.

"What happened? I know I was in a crash, but who was is? Are they ok? What's happened to me?"

At that point the door opened and in walked the doctor, well im guessing that's what he was, he was wearing a suit, im guessing he was going to tell me what happened to me, what injuries I had sustained.

"Hello Mr Dean, how are you feeling?"

"Its Craig, and im alright, just hurting a bit"

"Yes, well that is expected, you have some terrible injures that are going to cause you a bit of pain for the next couple of days, you have a cracked rib, also a broken leg and bad bruising on your arm" The doctor glanced at Johnpaul, took a deep breath and carried on. "That is not the only problem, when you had the crash you hit your head hard, causing a swelling on the brain, this is putting a lot of pressure on the brain, we are going to need to operate, but we could not do that until you woke up, so we could speak to you to see how bad it was, also as you was drugged it meant the procedure could not start until they have wore off, which now they have, is it ok if we ask a few questions?"

I didn't know what to say, I felt the pressure on my right hand tighten, I looked next to me to see Johnpaul, his eyes rimmed with tears, but he was trying to be brave, he was trying not to be scared, but I could see by the look in his eyes that he was terrified. I squeezed Johnpaul's hand trying to reassure him that I was going to be ok. I then looked over to the doctor and said,

"What is the worst that can happen?"

"Brain damage. But if the operation all goes well then you should be fine. Before we carry on I need to speak to Mr McQueen outside alone- he looked over at Johnpaul- if that is ok?"

Johnpaul kissed my hand before rising from his chair and walking towards the door.

**Johnpauls POV.**

Why did he want to speak to me alone? What was going on? The doctor walked out of the room, and pulled the door shut behind him. He looked at me directly in the eyes and said

"There is something else, and as you are his partner we need to speak you through it. If the operation is not successful then there is a chance the Mr Dean might not make it, we prefer to tell you first rather than the patient, as it is then in your hands, you can decide if you would like to tell Mr Dean this information, or if you would prefer not to. It is entirely up to you. But with Mr Dean knowing he might not make it could cause him to become stressed and this is not a good thing for the brain that is in his condition. If there is anything you need, then please don't hesitate to ask."

With that he opened the door and walked back into see Craig. Did he really just hear the doctor right? Craig might not make it? This can't be happening. I just needed someone, someone who could just hold me, whilst I told them how scared I was. But I had no one, mum was in Hollyoaks, along with the others, I had rang and told her what was going on but told her not to come over, she was already struggling for money, without the added pressure of plane tickets, so she was staying put. I had friends here, but no one I could confide in about something as serious as this! I usually spoke to Craig about something that was worrying me, but I couldn't do that now, besides I was the one supposed to be comforting him, after all he is the victim in this. Although me and Frankie didn't see eye to eye, I must say I was looking forward to seeing her, I could speak to her, tell her what was happening. She would listen, even if she didn't understand their relationship. Right until Frankie got here I had to be brave, so I took a deep breath, and walked into the room.

"Alright Craig?"

"Yeah, just finished talking to doc, had to answer a load of questions."

"Yes Craig, your memory seems fine, meaning we can procede with the operation, we will be returning to take you down to theatre in around five minutes."

"Alright."

I looked at Craig and he looked worried, so I took his hand in mine and squeezed it and told him everything was going to be ok, I couldn't bring myself to tell him what the doctor had told me, if the worst was to happen, I don't want him panicking about it. The doctor said his goodbyes and walked out of the room.

"I'll be right back- I rose from my chair and followed the doctor out- excuse me, doc?"

"Mr McQueen?"

"I don't know how to say this- I had to say it, I had to ask the question that was going round in my head so I took a deep breath and carried on- um, if yano, he didn't make it, will it be during the op, or will he be able to be with me and his mum?"

I felt my eyes welling, just at the thought of him leaving me.

"If the worst was to occur then it would be during the aftermath of the op, meaning yes he could be with you and his mother, but Mr McQueen, it is only a possiabilty, try to remember there is a chance he could make it."

"Yeah, thanks." I turned round and walked back into see Craig.

"What was that all about, you sleeping with the doctor?"

I couldn't believe that he was lying in a hospital bed, about to go down for an operation on his brain and he was sitting here making jokes, but then again I prefer it this was instead of sitting talking about depressing things, about what happens if the operation is unsuccessful "HA, funny one, no I was just asking about the op that's all."

"Ah."

I sat down next to him and took his hand, we gazed directly into each others eyes.

"Your mum is on her way, she will be here soon, I'd say an hour. She will be here to greet you after your op"

He broke our eye contact as he rolled his eyes, and let out a little laugh.

"Yeah, she can sit an lecture me about our relationship, you would have thought, us two being together officially for four years she would have realised that I love you, and that you mean the world to me"

"hu, yeah- I looked at him and he looked at me straight in the eyes again, his piercing blue eyes shining in the light- I love you to Craig Dean, and I know I have been a pain at times moaning about you staying out late and stuff, but I do love you, so much. I would give up my own life for you, so please make sure you remember that, no matter what, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so no matter what the outcome of this operation I want you to know that I am here, I will stick by you, I will help you, ok?"

Craigs eyes filled with tears, and one escaped, then he just broke down, crying.  
"I am so scared Johnpaul, what if something goes wrong, and I end up having brain damage or something like that!"

"Hey, it won't, it can't, your big strong Craig remember? You can't go acting like a baby on me now! After everything we have been through to get to this, everything with Sarah, and the fights, and the family fallouts all because of us too wanting to be together, you will be fine, I promise. You pulled through all the other rough times we have had"

"Yeah but all the other rough points in our life didn't consiste of me being attached to a load of tubes, and having a chance of brain damage"

"Your not going to have brain damage, one for the fact you don't have a brain, two because your strong you will fight this."

The door opened and the doctor put his head round the door,

"The theatre room is ready, all set?"

I looked at Craig, his eyes was filled with tears.

**Craigs POV.**

I didn't want to go for the op, I was so scared incase something bad happened and I wouldn't be myself after, what if I couldn't stand by Johnpaul, what if I was going to need help to so much as get dressed.

I looked next to me to see Johnpaul shaking, he had tears streaming down his face and he was holding my hand to his lips,

"Hey, you're the one who just sat there and told me to be strong, and now you're the one crying! I promise you I will make it through this, I will come out on top, I swear, because Johnpaul I love you, and I want to be there for you, I want to support you when your having rough times, I want to cuddle you and laugh when your shitting yourself at horror movies, so, look at me- I took his face in my spare hand and held his face and forced him to look into my eyes,- I love you ok? I love you so much, and I am going to do this for you ok? So don't get upset be brave for me." With that I tried to sit up, I wanted to scream out in pain, my ribs killed, but I did it, I lifted myself up for Johnpaul, and kissed him, like I had never kissed him before, the pain became to much and I had to lie back down. The doctors came over and unhooked the bed, and they started to wheel me out the room, Johnpaul was still holding my hand, he walked along with us until the halls go to narrow for the bed, doctors and Johnpaul, so he let go, but just before I looked at him and told him I loved him.


	6. Chapter 6

******Hope you enjoy it. Thankyou so much if you are reading/following this story, means a lot. Please leave a review. Thanks x**

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**Chapter Six.**

**Johnpaul's POV.**

I was doing a slow jog to keep up with Craig, I was gripping his hand tight, know soon I was going to have to let go, there was a narrow corridor at the end of this one, and there was no way the bed, nurses, doctors and me was going to fit down it, so I had to let go, but before I did,

"Johnpaul look at me, I love you."

Craig let go of my hand and I just stared as they carried on going, taking him into theatre were they was about to perform a highly dangerous operation, and that could be one of the last times I am ever going to see him.

The doctor said the operation would take about 4 hours. It had been about an hour and a half when I heard a familiar voice.

"My son, where's my son! Oh Johnpaul, where is Craig? Is he ok? Oh please tell me he is going to be ok!"

"Oh my god, Frankie!" I know me and Frankie didn't see eye to eye, but the second I saw her I leapt into the air and just hugged her, and she actually hugged me back 'the boy that turned her son' and she still hugged me!

"Here, sit down and I will let you know what's going on."

As I explained to Frankie what the doctors had told me she just sat there staring at the wall in silence.

"There is something else though. Something the doctors told me alone, and said it was up to me whether I should tell Craig."

"What? What was it they told you Johnpaul? Tell me!"

"They, they, they said he might not make it… that there is a chance he might not come out on top, that in the aftermath of the operation he could…die."

I had been looking at the floor as I said this, but after I finished I raised my head to see Frankie still staring at the wall, but this time with tears rolling down her cheeks. I moved over to sit next to her and place an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a tight embrace. I didn't know what to say, I mean what do you say to a woman who has just been told her youngest son might die? Especially after she had already lost her daughter, she would only have Jake left, obviously she had Darren to, but that just wasn't the same as your own flesh and blood. It's a mother's worst nightmare, your kids dying before you. It was Frankie, who broke the silence,

"Did you tell him? Did you tell him that he might not make it?"

"No. I didn't think it was right, he was already panicking about the operation let alone being told he might not make it. I couldn't, I couldn't do it."

"Good. Don't want him more upset than he is already is, I bet he was panicking before he went down?"

"Yeah, he said he was scared, but he was to busy trying to convince me he was going to be ok. I mean there is him going for an operation and he is comforting me, aye? Never changes, never liked the spotlight did he?"

"Yeah, preferred to keep himself to himself."

There was an award silence, this time I broke it.

"I do love him Frankie; I really do, so much, he is everything to me!"

"I kn-"

"If I didn't love him, I would have never considered leaving Kieran, before he was murdered, I was already planning on leaving him to be with Craig, the minute Craig returned to the village I knew it would happen. I never got over him, even when I was with Kieran I still loved Craig, I thought about him every day and every night. I really don't know what I am supposed to do Frankie, what if he doesn't make it? I don't think I would be able to stay out here alone, but we have gotten so far. After everything we went through just to get to this point, where we could walk down the street hand in hand and not have people turning their noses up at us, the effort we put in to show you that we really did love each other, and even though you're not comfortable with the relationship you accepted it! I felt we both really had a second chance, a fresh start, everything was going to well and now this has happened!" After I had started I couldn't stop I was on full flow. "I mean, he makes me feel so special, he randomly made us little meals without even letting me know, and why I asked him why he decided to do it all he used to say was because he loved me. When I was with him I felt safe, like no one would harm me because I had Craig, I knew no matter what he would be there for me, he would always stick by my side even if I was in the wrong. Yeah we argued sometimes, but we always ended up kissing and made up, he is just so special to me, and I don't think I can stand losing him, I have already lost Tina, not him too."

**Frankie's POV**

I didn't have the heart to stop him, I knew that he needed to get this out, he wanted to me to realise how much my Craig meant to him, and I now understood. I knew that Johnpaul would always love my son, no matter what, and i know that he makes Craig happy, and I know that I have to get over it; my son is gay, so what, loads of people are now days. I didn't really know what to say, he was sat next to me, his face in his hands bawling his eyes out, after just having poured his heart out to me. I reached out and pulled him into a hug, and I stroked his head, as I used to do with Craig and told him everything was going to be ok, of course I didn't know if it was or not, but I was trying to convince myself as much as him.

I don't know how long I and Johnpaul had been sat there, but I did know Johnpaul had slowly drifted off into a light sleep. I tried to stay still as I did not want to wake him; he looked so calm, although his eyes were puffy as he had cried for hours. I just sat there thinking about my son. He was lying on some operating somewhere in this hospital, with people fiddling with his brain trying to save him. I never really took notice but after Steph passed, I really appreciated hospitals, they tried to save my daughter's life, and now they were trying to save my sons. Neither of them had ever done anything for them, yet the still tried to save them. It made me realise how precious life was, why didn't I visit more often? Why did I not insist they came over for Christmas, instead of accepting a no? Why did I not ring him more?

I must have dozed off, because I felt someone giving me a small shake,

"Mrs Dean? Mr McQueen?"

I jolted awake immediately, as did Johnpaul.

"Am I correct to believe you are Mrs Dean?"

"No, I'm Mrs Osborne actually."

"Ah my apologies, Mrs Osborne and Mr McQueen, the operation is finished – at these words both me and Johnpaul were on the edge of our seats, desperately wanting to hear some sort of good news. - Mr Dean is awake and stable, but we are still not entirely sure on the damage yet, all I can say is, he is not in the safe zone quite yet. But you are more than welcome to go and see him."

"Not in the safe zone? What the bloody hell does that mean! Is he going to be ok or not? That is my son you are talking about!"

"I am so sorry Mrs Osborne, but we are just not whether he is in the all clear yet. Maybe you might want to think about contacting any other family members?"

"Other family members! They live in England, they can't get over here! Then again all he has is a brother left, his sister has gone!"

I felt an arm go around my shoulders, it was Johnpaul. He steered me into a hug, and I just stood there and cried into his jumper, I just couldn't face it that my son might not make it.

After I apologised to the doctor me and Johnpaul made our way over to Craig's room, we can a quite knock on the door and entered.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Right so this chapter is not as good as i was hoping it to be, i wrote it in bed and im ill so sorry if there are any mistakes, i just couldn't sleep so thought i might update it. BUT i promise you that the next chapter you find out if Craig is going to be ok, or if there is going to be a problem!**_

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**Chapter seven.**

**Johnpauls POV**

As soon as my eyes fell onto Craig, I felt them fill with tears. He had bandage wrapped around his head, and bits of hair on the top of his head was sticking out all over the place also instead of it looking its usual healthy brown it was matted and it looked filthy. I tried to hide my tears, but Craig being Craig spotted me as I tried to wipe them away, Frankie was already in full flow. He cut her off by saying

"Oi you,- he reached out for my hand- what you shedding tears over?" He sounded wheezy, but then what would you expect from someone who has just come out of a four-hour op on his brain.

I pulled a chair next to his bed, and sat down, I picked up his hand and looked it for a few seconds trying to think of something to say that would lighten the mood, and make him feel better.

"Nothing, just looking at you, you resemble Mr Bump."

"Oh funny one! You're supposed to be making me feel better!"

"I am, he was my favourite of all the Mr Men!"

"Aw, then I'm honoured."

I leant in and gave him a little peck on the lips, and as our lips touched my stomach did back flips and it was like the first time all over again, I leant in and gave him a proper passionate kiss, I felt so happy, he was here, he had made it and he seemed fine! It was only when Frankie done a small awkward cough that I pulled away, I felt the heat rise in my cheeks and I realised I must be as red in the face as Frankie was. We all sat there in an awkward silence. Frankie broke the silence,

"So the doctors say that the op went well, there are still a few things to be checked over, but you seem fine. That's good isn't Craig?"

"Yeah, great, um, what actually happened?"

"Well if im honest im not really sure myself, Johnpaul is the one who let me know on what happened, do you know anything?"

"Not really, when the hospital rang they said you had been found around two hours ago, but they had only just got you out of the car, and you was on your way to hospital- as I was repeating the words of the doctor had said to me, I felt my voice quivering, as I thought about what I felt about when I was on the phone, I was looking at the ground, fiddling with my fingers (I was no longer holding Craig's hand.)- in a helicopter, as soon as they said that I knew things must be serious, I mean they wouldn't take you to hospital in a helicopter for something small like a broken arm, would they? They said that the other driver that caused the crash had fled. I bet you anything he was drunk, or had stolen the car, the stupid bastard. When I got here, I came straight in and when I seen you lying there on the bed, I thought I might have lost you, you looked so, so, so damaged."

"Ey you,- he took my hand and I looked into his deep blue eyes- I'm here now aren't i? And look I even got mum over here, so something good came out of it!"

"Oi, you! I did try to come over, it was just you know, work and everything, it's not like I didn't offer you two to come over for Christmas and stuff!"

"Yeah, I know looks like we are as bad as each other aye? So anyway how is Darren and Nancy? Oh and Oscar?"

"Oh yeah, they are good, Oscar can come home soon, so things are looking up."

"Who'd of thought aye? Darren and Nancy, don't seem like that long ago we was all sitting ay Dog In The Pond with Darren making jokes at us with Rhys.

They all sat there conversation in full flow, they was all talking, but Craig started to get tired, so as he started to drift off, Johnpaul and Frankie carried on the conversation and shockingly there was no awkward moments, everything was going fine, until she mentioned the L word, we had talked about Craig, when she said no one would ever love him like she did, it came with the perks of being a mother, unconditional love, as she was saying this I was just staring at Craig stroking his hand as I watched him sleep but also taking notice of every word that Frankie spoke. I could feel her eyes boring into me like a laser, but I did not take my eyes away from Craig. I knew we was both thinking back to the conversation earlier when I practically spilt my heart out to her,

"I'm sorry."

I drew my eyes away from Craig and looked at her completely gone out, what was she sorry for? She hadn't done anything wrong.

"I'm sorry I gave you a hard time, about you and Craig. It's just it's hard enough for a mother to hear about her son being gay, but to find out at his engagement party to a woman, it's was difficult, poor Sarah she was over the moon about the wedding and everything and then finding out that her fiancé had been sleeping with his best mate behind her back. Perhaps things would have been different if you just admitted it from the start, but you let it go on for so long, yano. But I understand now, and I just wanted to tell you that I am happy for you both, I have never seen Craig so happy, when you was around he was gleaming, he looked at you like you was some sort of god. I have realised though, it does not matter whether you are a man or woman, if my son loves you, if he wants to be with you then I should accept that and be happy for him, not make him feel bad about it, then maybe he might have come home for Christmas once or twice, obviously I know he was just as bad, im not blaming you Johnpaul."

I didn't interrupt because I knew how hard it must have been for her to say that. That she finally, after all this time accepted me and Craig, and it was great to hear her say it, and the way she said my name, she really did sound sorry.

"It's ok, I understand, my mum struggled to get her head round it at first, but she did, but then I wasn't sleeping with a girl was i?" I let out a small laugh.

After that little conversation, we sat in silence both watching Craig for a while before I spoke

"Frankie you look knackered, you have barely slept, you have rushed around to get the plane, and then im pretty sure you was going out of your mind with worry, why don't you go down to the family room, get some sleep, I will come and wake you if anything changes. I promise."

"No, no I am fine, honestly- right as she said that she tried to stifle a yawn, she let out a little laugh- yeah I suppose I could do with a little kip, and hour or so, just come get me when he is awake, but not to early." She laughed a little again.

"Yeah, I will I promise." I gave her a small smile, and completely out of the blue she came over and hugged me, and then before I even had the chance to respond she had walked from the room.

I looked over at Craig and smiled,

"Alright you, how long have you been awake?"

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_**As i said, i promise next chapter you will find out what happens to Craig. Read and Review PLEASE.**_


	8. Chapter 8

******So here it is guys, find out Craig's fate is. Read and review please!**

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**Chapter eight.**

**Craig's POV.**

I told mum and JP that I needed to sleep, that wasn't a lie, I did sleep, well I attempted to, but it was hard knowing the love of my life and my mum was sitting together, so I wanted to know what they was going to say. So as I sat there listing to them droan on about the pub and everyone back in Hollyoaks, the conversation started to get interesting. Mum started talking about how much she loved me, and even though I knew she loved me and she had told me plenty of times before, when we was on the phone she would always finish with 'love you', but when it is said to often it doesn't spread that warm feeling around your body, making you feel invincible, but when she said it that time it did. I felt it in her words that she really did love me. After she had said that there was a silence and even me who was supposed to be asleep could feel the tension between the two of them. Then out of no where mum said,

"I'm sorry."

I could tell that Johnpaul was confused and shocked just because he had stopped stroking my hand and he had squeezed it a little, and as mum gave her little heart-felt speech I felt the urge to just jump up and hug her, tell her how much I loved her, I don't think she realised how much this meant to me, her finally accepting mine and Johnpauls relationship, it felt amazing to know that she didn't care what others thought anymore. I was so happy, I honestly can't explain it, me and Johnpaul have been living together in Dublin for four years now and she has finally accepted us, finally. Then Johnpaul said his piece, trying to make her feel better about the fact that until now she could barely look him in the eye. But Johnpaul isn't all best with words, but he seemed to be doing ok.

After that they both just sat there in silence, not an awkward one this time though, Johnpaul was stroking my hand again and I could tell he was watching me, as was mum. I would say that Johnpaul knew me better than I did, so as I knew he was watching me I had to be very careful as he would know if I I was actually asleep or not. It was as if he read my mind, as he told mum to go have a kip, and he would wake her if anything changes. When she agreed I felt her let go of my hand and her chair scrape on the floor as she pushed it away. Johnpaul again promised to wake her, and as I had my eyes closed I did not know what happened, but I felt Johnpaul look away from me, and there was a little awkwardness in the air, but if faded pretty quick, then I heard the door close as mum walked out. That's when Johnpaul looked at me and said "Alright you, how long have you been faking it?"

Busted. I try not to smile, and keep my eyes firmly closed, but Johnpaul is not stupid. I felt him standing above me staring directly at my face, I could just sense in the air that he was smiling and just at the thought a huge smile broke across my face.

"Alright you caught me, but how could you expect me to sleep when my boyfriend and mum are in the same room, and at first she didn't seem to comfortable with the though either, until she decided to open her heart to you." I started laughing, but Johnpaul didn't he just smiled.

"Aw no Craig, that must have took a lot of courage to say that, especially to me! I am so happy though, cos' now we can go back to Hollyoaks and not feel awkward, we can go and visit and we could actually stop at your mums as well as mine!"

"Yeah, I know- at that point I got a huge shooting pain through my head, i scrunched up my eyes, and grabbed hold of my head.

"Craig? Are you alright?"

My voice was strained as I said it, I could tell so Johnpaul defiantly would, "Yeah, yeah just a twinge that's all."

"It didn't look like just a twinge, maybe I should go get a doctor?"

"No, no I am fine."

Johnpauls POV.

I agreed with Craig to leave it, but if it happened again I would be sure to go and tell a doctor just to make sure everything was ok.

We had been sat for a while, just talking about random things, laughing at stupid memories from when we was at school…

"Yeah and then you randomly tell me you're in love with me! Then next thing I know your kissing me! I always have been irresistible though"

"yeah. Not that you can talk, just as things we're starting to go right with Spike, me, you, Sarah and Hannah, you turn up at my house and tell me you're in love with me. Now that was one thing I was never expecting!"

We both just sat there lost in thought, I knew that we was both thinking the same thing, that was the day of our first kiss, well our first proper kiss. It was also the first time we slept together, and then after we had finished Craig walked out on me.

**Craigs POV.**

"Yeah, well I was a nob then, how I treated you. I am sorry you know? I mean it. I love you Johnpaul, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You made me a better person- ah another shooting pain through my head, this time it lasted longer and hurt more, but luckily Johnpaul didn't notice- you helped me realise who I am, and I really am thankful for that, if I never met you then I would have probably been bullied by Sonny for the rest of my life, I would have never been with Sarah- I laughed a little at that, but as I did a bigger and even more painful pain went searing through my head, but as I put my hand to my head I pulled it off as a scratch- I would have never come out, eventually, although I stand by what I said, you're the only man for me. From the day I met you I think deep down I knew that I liked you more than a friend, I just was scared. Then at Hannah's 18th when you said you loved me, I thought I should hate you but I didn't, it made me feel special. Then the night when you kissed me at the dance, that night when I got home, I couldn't stop thinking about it, it kept going on over and over in my head, and the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. I tried to forget about it but I couldn't, so I thought, I know if I give him a smack, he might think im not interested, but I think I smacked you more because I liked you and I thought I shouldn't, if you get what I'm saying?"

Johnpaul tried to intrupt but I kept going, I had to say this.

"Then when you started seeing Spike, I should have been happy but I wasn't, I was annoyed, and hurt that you managed to move onto someone else, and forget me. So then _that_ day it all got a bit too much for me, I couldn't have concentrated in that exam even if I wanted to, I was to busy thinking about you and _him._ – I still couldn't bring myself to say his name, the man who slept with _my_ boyfriend. The biggest pain yet went through my head, and this time I struggled to cover it up, luckily Johnpaul had looked down as I grasped my head.- then after the first time that we slept together, which was amazing by the way, I just felt sick, but not sick because I slept with you, I felt sick at myself for actually enjoying it. Then after a while I craved to do it again, when I seen you I had the urge to kiss you and repeat that day all over again, so then when we kissed and everything again I knew it had to carry on, but I still loved Sarah, but even then I knew I wanted you more, I was just scared of telling everyone that the person I loved was a man! But then when you said I had to choose between you and Sarah I knew I couldn't be without you. Then at the engagement party when everyone found out, yeah it was a shock everyone knowing but it felt like a big relief being took of my shoulders and I knew me and you could be together. Then everything happened at the airport, and whilst I was in Dublin I knew I had to come to terms with being gay or I would lose you, but when I got back I had. – i now had a constant pounding feeling in my head, but ignored I felt like I had to say this, like Johnpaul had to know how much I loved him- you was with Kieran, and when I seen you two together my heart shattered into what felt like millions of pieces, and then me and you kissed and we was going to go away together, back to Dublin, and then well everything happened with Kieran passing away and stuff. But then in the end we finally did it, we got our perfect sunset ending. Then when I heard about Niall and him kidnapping you all I really did think I had lost you forever, but luckily I didn't, then he decided to try to get me, but then that didn't work either, and that whole time I was there I was thinking of you, hoping that you knew how much I loved you. But luckily I survived that- the most painful feeling I had ever had before went soaring through my head making me want to scream, this time Johnpaul noticed, but I brushed him of telling him it was just a bit of an ache. I carried on- we finally had everything sorted, we was getting on fine, and then this happens, it's like I'm just not made for a happy life, but as long as I have you I am happy, I will never leave you, I promise. I love you so much, Johnpaul."

**Johnpauls POV.**

Wow. I knew Craig loved me, he told me that many times, he must have loved me to come out as gay, and finish with his hot model girlfriend, but he had never told me any of that before, he usually just said the small three words, and sometimes a little extra but never into that much detail, about everything that ever happened. As he said the last six words my whole body heated up, I felt the warmth spread through my whole body, this man right in front of my just poured his heart out to me, yet all I could return was

"I love you too Craig Dean." But in those words I put everything into it, and I knew by the smile on his face that he knew how much he meant to me. I leant over and placed a kiss on his beautiful lips, even though it wasn't a proper kiss with all tounges and stuff I had butterflies in my stomach and it was the most amazing thing ever. _Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. _What did this mean? Craig was lying there; he turned his face to look at me and said,

"I love you Johnpaul McQueen." A small tear slid down his face, next thing I know there and doctors and nurses rushing into the room, and I can hear screaming, shouting, saying

"No, CRAIG, PLEASE DON'T, PLEASE CRAIG PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME CRAIG! I LOVE YOU!" two doctors grab hold of me and drag me from the room, and then rush back in. I am watching through the window as they shouting "CLEAR" and placing the defibrillator against his chest, willing his heart beat to become stronger, "CLEAR" they do it again, I can't take my eyes off him, as he lay on his own on his bed, doctors and nurses trying to keep him alive, "JOHNPAUL, JOHNPAUL, WHAT IS GOING ON, THEY SAID TO GET HER- Frankie almost fell to the ground but me and a doctor standing close by grabbed hold of her by the arm, and I held her up. She leant herself against me and we both cried for the man in that room was someone so special to us.

Frankie had stopped crying but was pale and stood there firmly in shock. They stopped and I seen one of the doctors look at his watch, and then he exited the room. As he looked at mine and Frankie's tear-stained face, he said those dreaded words.

"I am so sorry, he didn't make it."

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**I feel so guilty for killing Craig, but i thought it could be a reason why Johnpaul returns in Decemeber, because he doesn't want to be alone in Dublin.**

**Sorry guys! **

**I am hoping to do another few chapters for his funeral, but im not sure yet, so let me know. x**


	9. Chapter 9

**__**_Sorry about the delay guys, i have been visiting family and so i didn't get round to writing the next chapter, but here it is finally. Sorry if there is any mistakes, i am so tiered but i really felt like writing this! Read and Review, thanks!_

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**Chapter nine.**

**1 Week later.**

**Johnpaul's POV**

So it has been a week since Craig…

I couldn't even bring myself to think about it. Frankie has been staying with me since _that_ day, she has been arranging the funeral, I had tried to help but I couldn't do it, Frankie could barely do it, but someone had to and I think she felt she owed it to him, his last day had to be perfect. Of course if Craig had his way it would be a quick service and then straight to the pub for a few beers, but this would never do, this is her son's day, the last day for everyone to pay their respects. The only thing I actually helped with was agreeing that he should be buried in Hollyoaks, so that is where the funeral is going to take place. That way all his family can be there, I will have the support from mine, and he won't be in Dublin on his own, as I am going to go back there for a bit, be with my family.

"I will be back in a bit Frankie, I just need to clear my head."

"Alright love."

She was trying to be strong, for me. Since it happened, she treated me as a son, it may have only been a week but I felt like I would do anything for her. I hated to see her hurting, she is putting on a front, she is all smiles and when she comes off the phone after sorting yet another thing about the funeral she would say  
"Trust Craig to make things difficult" or the other day the florist rang about the flowers and how something had gone wrong, Frankie sorted it but when she came off the phone she was like "This is Craig's way of making me pay for not accepting you two straight away!" But I knew she was hurting, I could hear her crying pretty much every night. Sobbing herself to sleep, I did go into her, but when she heard me she stopped and pretended to be asleep, as soon as I left the room she carried on.

I hadn't been taking notice of where I was going; I was just going wherever my feet were taking me. I stopped for a second and looked around trying to confirm where I was. I was half way down a high street called 'Bachelors Walk' the street was full of people laughing and joking. I walked into a bar called ' ' it was the first pub me and Craig had a real pint of Guinness, and it then became our favourite, it was not to busy but it wasn't silent either, it was cheap as well and that is all a bonus. I order a pint and take it out the front. I am lost in thought, to passers-by I probably looked miles away, like even though my corpse was there my mind, thoughts and feelings wasn't. I was only bought back to earth when I heard my name being said.

"Surely not? Is that you Johnpaul?"

I raised my head, and had to shake my head to take in who was stood in front of me. Ste Hay, but god he had changed! He was still skinny, but he looked much more alive, he had styled hair, and he was actually wearing fashionable clothes instead of those tacky tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt!

"Ste Hay? Seriously, what are you doing here?"

He was with some fella, quite good looking, not my type. He had dark hair, and deep blue eyes, and he had a tash above his lips, if I was in my right mind I think he may have just made my top 30.

"I am here with, my _boyfriend_, Brendan. Brendan this is Johnpaul, Johnpaul Brendan."

"Your boyfriend?"

Never in a million years would I have ever thought of this scenario. In Dublin, with Frankie staying with me and actually being able to look into my eyes without cringing away. The love of my life, gone. Then bumping into Ste Hay in Dublin, and he is gay. Ste Hay gay? How is that possiable, what about Amy and the kids?  
Brendan spoke for the first time.

"Ye, you got a problem with that?"

Brendan didn't seem like the type of person you wanted to cross, so I answered carefully.

"What, no, no, it's just Ste Hay, with a boyfriend, who'd thought of it!"

I could feel Brendan watching me closely, and Ste could clearly sense it to, as he put his hand on Brendan's chest and said  
"It's alright Bren, he is gay to.- Ste turned to look at me- how is Craig doing?"

It felt like the wind had just been knocked from my body, just having his name thrown at me like that, I knew that I was going to have to say it, I would have to tell him about Craig. I just didn't know how to find the right words, clearly Ste hadn't heard about Craig back in Hollyoaks.

"He, um, - how the hell am I supposed to say this? I can't even think it in my head, let alone saying aloud to Ste!- um, he."

"You alright? You have gone like proper pale, do ya need to sit down or summit?"

I suddenly had the urge to be sick, and that is exactly what I did, all over the floor and on my shoes.

"Woah! Easy mate, why don't ye sit down for a sec?"

Brendan and Ste slowly lowered me into the chair behind me. Now I was really going to need to say something, I just needed to say it, if I did then maybe it would sink in.

"Craig is…um, he is…he is…how do I say this?... Craig has gone."

"You have split up? 'Ow come? You two seemed so loved up, then again that was a few years ago now, things have changed. Clearly"

"No, we didn't split up, Craig is gone, forever, not coming back."

"Urm Ste, I think I know what the wee lad is trying to say."

"Do ya? Good, cause I dunt have a bloody clue!"

"Craig's dead" I mumbled it so quietly I barley heard it, but I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders, I think Ste heard, because he just stared at me looking confused.

"What? Did ya just say he was- no ya can't have, this is Craig."

"Well he is, he was in a car crash- I felt that now that I had confirmed that Craig was dead. I could talk more about the accident.- it was, it was brain damage, he had an op but dint make it."

Ste just sat there shaking his head, probably trying to get his head around it. Yeah, me and Ste never say eye to eye, in fact at one point I hated his guts, but it seems after not seeing each other in like four years, I suppose things have just settled.

"I am so sorry! When did it 'appen? Are you ok?"

"It happened last week, and I have felt better."

"When is his funeral?"

"Two days, me and Frankie are going back to Hollyoaks, that's where we are holding it, so he is always with his friends and family, and so he aint alone here. Im moving back."

"I can't believe it, Craig Dean, he always seemed quite strong. I am so sorry Johnpaul."

I couldn't take it anymore, I just jumped up onto my feet and just ran I didn't even bother saying goodbye, I just had to get away. I seen what I was looking for, the little field that me and Craig visited sometimes to have a beer and just talk. I walked through the gate and went and the bottom of a tree, I pulled my knees to my chest and just sobbed.

I don't know how long I had been there, but It was dark, had been for abit, my eyes were red raw from crying, it was the first proper cry since he had gone, and I must admit I felt better. I wanted to hear his voice, that's what I needed just to hear him one more time.  
I pulled my phone from my jeans and scrolled through my phonebook, halting at Craig's name. I hesitated before pressing call and raising my phone to my ear.

"_Hello, this is Craig, I am either ignoring you because I don't want to speak to you, or I can't get take your call, either way leave a message and I will get back to you, if I can be bothered." _

I rang the number over and over, each time crying even harder, I only stopped because I had run out of credit. After that I just sat and sobbed a little more.

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_Sorry about the shit ending to this chapter, i didn't know how to finish it. I think the next chapter is going to be the last, thanks so much to everyone has read it so far, favorited it, followed it or review it honestly means alot!_


	10. Chapter 10

******_Okay, so this is the last chapter. I was going to finish it with the last one, but decided i would add the funeral in. This is quite a long chapter. Sorry for any mistakes, it was late when i wrote this. But it is finally finished. Thanks so much for following, favoriting this story, and for any reviews. It means a lot. _**

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**Chapter Ten**

**Johnpaul's POV.**

I turned around to look at the alarm clock on my bedside table, the numbers glowed red as it told me it was five in the morning. I don't think I slept a wink that night. I got home yesterday, I went for a walk, had a tea and then I just shut myself in my room, thinking of all the old memories it held for me and Craig. This whole house held memories of us, not just when we was secretly seeing each other, from when we was friends too. This is the place me and Craig first slept together, that was the same day he told me he couldn't stop thinking about me. This is also the house that Craig told me he loved me for the first time. I ended up laughing to myself thinking of all the times we had in this house, like the time Jake nearly caught us and I was trying to get the cuddly toy of Craig.

But now, it was the day of the funeral, and I was going to be making a speech, and I still have no clue what to write, because no words can explain how much he meant to me, and at this rate I was going to have to say whatever came to me at the time, because I still have an empty piece of paper looking at me from across the room, with lots of scraps covering the floor. I had been sitting at the desk until 3.30 this morning trying to think of something but my mind was blank, so I decided to go to bed, but I couldn't sleep, all I could think of was Craig alone in the chapel, on his own, cold, waiting to cremated.

I gave it another half hour in bed then was sick of just lying there looking at my alarm clock, so I got out of bed, pulled on a pair of joggers and walked down the stairs to make a tea. Mum says "a good ole brew always help when ya feeling down" not that it had helped in the slightest yet. But then again I suppose when she says that she doesn't expect to be mourning for your boyfriend, or your son's partner. I walked over and put the kettle on anyway, made a strong tea and sat at the breakfast bar. Looking around the house I realised quite a bit had changed, the front room didn't have the crappy orange walls now, it was done stylish, you could tell it was a girls home. It had clothes on the sofa's and the furniture had been changed. I had to admit, it did look better to the last time I was here.  
I was distracted from my thoughts as I heard a creak on the stairs, I looked over to see Theresa coming down them. I had met her years back briefly, but we was only young, but she seems nice, and us McQueen's are all the same, so it wasn't hard to get to know her, she is a typical dippy blonde, who likes to make sure she looks good like my sisters, she is funny, but also gobby and bitchy like the others when she wants to be. She is Aunt Kathleen Angel's daughter (mums sister) but as far as I know, they don't see or speak to each other very often, which makes her my cousin.

" Alright? Thought I 'eard someone come down 'ere. How ya doin'?"

"Yeah, im good, just thinking ya no."

"yeah… look i'm sorry about Craig, I know I didn't know him, but whenever Myra spoke about ya, she always said that Craig was a decent bloke"

I felt a small smile on my face.

"Yeah, yeah he was."

I stood up and reached into a drawer to pull out some paper and a pen, but when I did it was the cutlery drawer.

"You don't know where the pen and paper are do ya?"

She leaned into a drawer to her right and pulled out a small pad and a biro. I leaned forward and took them out of her and said cheers, I placed myself back into my seat opened the pad and just looked at it blankly. What do I write?  
Theresa placed herself in front of me again, and sat clutching the cup of tea in her hand.

"Ya know, if ya tryin' to think of something to say at the… yano, instead of speaking to the people there, why don't you speak as if you talking to Craig, say what you would tell him, it might make it easier."

I looked up at Theresa that was probably one of the cleverest things I have heard come out of her mouth since I got here, and now that she said that, I knew that it would be easier. I will talk to Craig instead of the people there to say goodbye, because I don't need them to know how much I love and cared for Craig, I need Craig to know, because this is my last time of getting a chance to properly say it to him, before I have to try and let him go.

"You know what, that is actually a great idea, thanks. Who'd thought a McQueen had brains aye?"

"Hey, I can be brainy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I know the prime minister is Tony Blair."

"Close, its David Cameron, has been since 2010, it was Gordon Brown before that and then Tony Blair."

"Oh."

"Still me with all the brains then, then again Tina was a brainy one as well, I reckon the brains was split between us and all the other McQueen's was left with none"

"Oi, why do I even need to know who prime minister is? Not like I care."

At that we heard footsteps, and we both looked around to see Jacqui tumbling down the stairs half a sleep, her hair falling from the usual tight pony tail, with no make-up on.

"Ey ah Theresa, put the kettle on will ya." She then stifled a yawn.

"Err, Jac are you alright? What you doing up it's only nearly 7."

" 'eadache"

"Jac, if you don't want to go today its fine, Mum said she will come with me, i know it's probably hard an everything what with Rhys's not that long ago."

"Hey, I am coming alright, one to support my baby brother and two because even though Craig messed ya about a bit, he was still a decent fella in the end."

"Yeah, thanks."

"What time is it anyway?"

"They get to the Dog in the Pond at 11, then they are doing the walk around the village and then to the church, the actually funeral starts at 11.45."

"Ah alright, you going up front with Frankie, Jack and Darren?

"Yeah, they said you and mum are welcome to join us."

"Do you want us to?"

"I would like it yeah, but it's entirely up to you."

"Yeah, course we will."

* * *

10.30

I was wearing a suit, it has to be one of the most uncomfterable things I have ever worn, and I know if Craig was here he would be telling me to go change, he'd say its better to be comfy than look good. But then again I have been dressing him for the past four years. At first I used to put up with it, but then he used to look like such a slob, one day I told him that he looked manky, he had been wearing the same joggers for three days in a row as he had no uni or no work. So he told me that I should sort his clothes out for him, and I don't think he thought I actually would, but I did, and then it stuck me getting up and getting changed and sorting his out as well.

I was sitting in the front room of The Dog in the Pond, with mum, Jacqui, Frankie, Jack, Darren and Nancy. It was nice sitting in there, I was talking to Nancy, it had been years since we last spoke, we both had sort of forgotten about the whole 'Sarah, me and Craig' triangle, I suppose as it was years ago it didn't really matter that much anymore, and what with us being at Craig's funeral, it just wasn't spoke about. Actually speaking to Nancy helped, because we used to be such good friends, all of us, Me, Hannah, Craig, Sarah and Nancy, and what with Sarah gone, and now Craig, Hannah not being able to make it, it was just me and Nancy there, out of old group, we spoke about the old memories, and how different she was now to how she was then. She used to be some sort of rebel with a different colour in her hair every other week, getting drunk and going with her brother-in-law Jake, Craig's brother. To being a journalist, with her own child and married to Darren! I think that was the real shocker.

"Okay guys, they are here." Darren said.

Nancy stood to her feet, and Darren wrapped an arm around her, Frankie walked over to Jack were he took her hand. I slowly stood to my feet, heart racing, feeling like my throat was sealing up, I couldn't breathe properly. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked to see Jacqui's hand on it, and she gave it a small squeeze. I took hold of mum's hand and took deep breathes, before walking towards the door.

When I walked out of the front door, I was met with a cold gust of December air. I could just see over the lake the black hearse that held Craig. The second I set my eyes on it, the air felt like it had been knocked from my lungs, he was so close yet so far.

As we reached the hearse, I looked around to see that many people had gathered to say goodbye to Craig, I could see Tony and Ste, also there was Carmel, Mercedes and Michaela, and as I seen her, she came running over and flung her arms around my neck.

"Wh-What are you going here? I told you not to come, I would understand so would everyone else, you were touring with a band!"

"I know, but I had to come, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, I know me and Craig didn't exactly see eye to eye, but I-"

She couldn't finish her sentence she was hugging me again, and I suddenly felt stronger, my whole family was here to support me, even Mercedes, the others told her not to come, but she still did, even my baby sister came to be with me, and she was touring with a band!

Michaela pulled away her eyes teary. She gave me one more squeeze and walked back over to Carmel. I looked around a little more and spotted Spike and he gave me a small wave, and I nodded back, I looked back to the hearse and thought " I bet Craig would love that, Spike here, at his funeral."

When we arrived everyone made their way into the church. But me, Darren, Jack, and one other guy, that was going to also carry Craig. When everyone was inside, we bent low and took Craig onto our shoulders, I was at the front with Darren, and then Jack and the undertaker was at the back. I tried to be strong, but the minute I heard 'Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars', I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes, luckily I just had to walk in a straight line because I couldn't see anything, I felt one of the tears escape, and at that I let my guard down, as I was carrying the love of my life down the aisle, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I glanced next to me to see Darren, with silent tears rolling down his face, as we reached the front we placed Craig down and made our way to our loved ones, Jacqui and mum. We listened to the end of the song and then we all seated.

"We gather here today to remember the life of Craig Dean, a brother, son, partner and friend."

With that Frankie stood and made her way to the front, as she reached the stand I gave her a weak watery smile to let her know I was there for her, in which she returned.

"Well you all knew Craig, he was a great person. Yes, he was a handful, failed his exams first time round, and even though I would never of said it to his face, it's a good job because otherwise he would of never met Johnpaul, I know I had my doubts about them, but I learned to accept them as he was still my son, and he was at his happiest when he was with him. I always said that if he didn't learn to behave himself he would end up in his grave before me, but never did I actually believe that, yet here we are saying goodbye to him, my youngest son. I know he wouldn't want us all crying over him, if he was here he would be telling me to 'get over it'. I would have never believed that two of my children was to die before me, but It is a comfort to think of Craig and Steph up there together, and Sarah he might have to put up with an earful from her for a bit. Even though it is sad he is gone, I just have to remember what he told me when Steph passed, she isn't truly gone, she is always in your heart, and that is the same for him, he shall always be in my heart. I love you Craig."  
With that she walked over to Craig's coffin, pressed her fingers to her lips and placed them on the plaque, she then placed a small rose on top and walked back to sit next to Darren and Jack and sobbed into Jacks shoulder as he rubbed her back in comfort.

Everyone started to look around, I had zoned out I was so nervous; the thing that bought me back was Jacqui poking me whispering  
"Johnpaul, it's your turn."

"Wha- oh yeah" I slowly walked to the front of the church and looked out at everyone's tear stained faces.

"Right, well I haven't actually been asleep properly as I was too busy trying to think of something to say today, and I still haven't actually written anything down… because no words can explain how much Craig meant to me, he was the most handsome funniest guy I knew, he would make me laugh even If I was upset, if we had an argument he would always manage to win me round because I just couldn't stay mad at him. As you all know mine and Craig's relationship didn't exactly start of well- I heard a few chuckles and seen some small smiles from the faces looking up at me- but in the end we had our perfect ending, it was just like the end of a soppy movie actually, me chasing him to the train station and all that sort of stuff, and at that point I thought to myself, my life can get no better than this, he was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, it had took us such a long time to get to that point, and now to have it all took away from us when we worked so hard at it is just unfair. – I could feel the tears coming again, but now that I had started I had to finish, I had to say this.- I didn't even get a proper goodbye as he slipped away right in front of me. So today whilst I was trying to think of what to say somebody told me to take this as a chance to say my goodbye, and to tell Craig just how as I felt, so, Craig, I just wanted to say that I love you so, so much, you meant the world to me, and nothing anyone says could of changed that, and when you said those three words to me for the first time, I knew I could never let you go. In fact the day I met you I knew you was special to me. On the 16th May 2007, and I know if you was here you would call me sad for remembering but still, that day when you told me you couldn't stop thinking about me was probably the second best day of my life, well up until you walked out on me anyway, but we can't all be perfect can we. But the best day of my life was 19th September 2008, when we moved to Dublin together. So I just want to say, that these past five years have been the best ever, and I will never forget you. As Frankie said, you shall always be in my heart, oh and whilst your waiting for me, try not to pull to many fella's. I love you Craig Dean, forever and always. Also I just wanted to take a minute to listen to this song, it was special to Craig."  
With that Razorlight I Can't Stop this feeling I've got came on, as I walked over to his coffin, and murmured, I love you Craig, and placed a kiss, onto it, also placing a photo of me and him together in Dublin on top before returning to my seat to listen to the rest of the song.

The priest got up there and said a few more words before nodding to Darren to say his piece, he raised from his seat, and wobbled towards the stand.

"Hello, I don't really know what to say if im honest, Frankie and Johnpaul have pretty much said it all. He was such a decent bloke. I might not have knew him from the minute he was born, we may not have knew each other for our whole lives, but he was still my little baby brother. I may have winded him up about Johnpaul, but I was the only one who was aloud, if anyone else said something I made sure they knew that I was standing by him. Why did I care if he was gay? Still the same bloke, just likes men, not very attractive ones either, im only joking Johnpaul, your just not my type. Anyway, I used to wind him up but we still got on, and I just cant believe he is gone- with that Darren started to cry, I heard heels on the floor and Nancy was on her feet walking towards Darren and cuddling him- Im sorry Craig" With that he walked back to his chair but Nancy stayed up on the stand.

"Not all of you here will have known, but me and Craig used to be pretty close, we used to have our little study sessions, me, Johnpaul, Craig, Sarah and Hannah, and they was a laugh, in fact they have to be some of the best people I have met in my whole life. The last time me and Craig spoke we argued about Sarah, and I just wanted to tell Craig that I am sorry for moaning at him about that, and I forgive him, because I can see that he made the right decision. I am going to miss you Craig, and don't worry I will look after Johnpaul for you, I will keep him in line, like he used to with me."

With that she walked back to her chair, and I could see the black smudge of mascara running down her face, the priest walked up and said a few more words, before playing the last song, 'Epic Last Song' it's not exactly a funeral type song, but Craig loved it, and as the song was playing the coffin slipped behind the curtains, as he was about to be cremated. As we watched him disappear I could hear Frankie crying, and little sobs from around the room.

I will always love you Craig Dean, and one day in the future we shall be together again, I promise.

* * *

_**Again thank you so much for favoriting, reviewing and following it means a lot. I am hoping to write another soon. Its just a bit hard as my laptop is bust so i am having to borrow my mums. **_

_**Thanks. x**_


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